Laughter, best medicine (most of the time)

A bear and a rabbit are takin a poop in the woods. The bear asks the rabbit, "Do you have problems with crap sticking to your fur?"

The rabbit says, "No."

So the bear wipes his butt with the rabbit.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?



a fsh!

Why do ducks have flat feet?

To stomp out forest fires.

Why do elephants have flat feet?

To stamp out burning ducks.


What did the orchard owner say when he felt the ground shake?

Must be a duck on fire somewhere.

The doctor said i wasn't doing enough exercise, he said to do at least one thing a week that gets me out of breath...so i took up smoking.

(no I don't smoke!)

What has four legs and goes "boo"

A cow with a cold.

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper says, "You have a drink named Steve?"

Why did the boy fall off the swing?

Cause someone threw a fridge at him.

whats pink and fluffy?
pink fluff

whats blue and fluffy?
pink fluff holdin its breath

why did the koala fall outta the tree?
cuz it was dead

why did the other koala fall outta the tree?
cuz it thought it was a game

why did the tree fall down?
cuz it thought it was a koala

Chief Wiggam off the simpsons:

"SCUM FREEZEBAG!!!!!"

Can a frog jump higher than a building?


Yes, a building can't jump

2 cannibals sitting by a lake eating dinner when one says to the other "I really hate my mother in law" The other cannibal says "Do what I do, just eat the potatoes"

What do you gt when you cross a chicken and a cement mixer?

A brick layer

I wonder if you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn?

A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home

For sale: parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

hehe tazzy.......these so make me laugh!!!

i have to find some good doctor ones......:

Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a bell?
Take these and if it doesn't help give me a ring!

Doctor, Doctor I tend to flush a lot.
Don't worry it's just a chain reaction!


i know, i know......they're really bad!! lol xx

why do squirrels swim on there backs ? to keep there nuts dry of course

What do you call two guys hanging from a window... Curt n Rod

Don't judge anybody until you've walked in their shoes. After that it doesn't matter because they're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Grammar is important. Capital letter are the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse

Policewoman: You are under arrest. Anything that you say can and will be held against you. driver: BOOBS!

decided to burn some calories today so I set a fat kid on fire

I made you go mmm the other night didn't I? That ducktape works good

A guy sitting with his girlfriend drinking beer says out of the blue, "I love you". The girl asks "is that you or the beer talking?" The guy replies, "its me talking to my beer